Monday, February 2, 2009
Parched Delivery
One of my all-time favorite comedians, folks, is Steven Wright. First of all, he doesn't use profanity (or at least he doesn't go around swearing profusely). But, even more important than that, he's dry, wry, whatever you want to call it. I LOVE THAT! I mean sure, not each and every one of his jokes is a gut-buster, per se, but, so, too, me-buckos, is that itself part and parcel of the fellow's charm. For those of you "unfortunates" largely unaware of Mr. Wright's humor, please, allow me the opportunity to put forth a couple of my personal favorites here. And, yes, by all means, folks, judge them for yourself. I'm pretty sure that the smarter of you out there will like them. 1) I'm addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn't matter. 2) I'm a part of the Jehova's witness protection program. I go door to door telling people that I'm sombody else. 3) I got a paper-cut on my suicide note last night....It's a start. 4) I started a real commotion at the supermarket last night. I saw this guy pushing 30 carts across the parking-lot and I yelled at him, "Hey, maybe somebody else might want to use one of those!" And then on the inside I tried to buy the thing that separates my items from the other guy's. I said, "No, I need that. You have no idea what's it like where I live." 5) I remember when I was a little kid. My aunt gave me this five dollar bill. She whispered to me, "Don't tell your mother." I whispered back, "It'll cost you more than that." 6) I often wonder what my life would have been like if I was born one day earlier. I realize now that it wouldn't have been much. I just would have asked that question yesterday. 7) Boy, that Jesus really pissed off a lot of people. Like with all this turning water into wine stuff. It's like, "Hey, I'm trying to take a shower over here!" 8) With some games, when you lose, you actually win. For example, musical electric chairs. 9) I wish I could start my life all over again. I'd make my first word, quote. And then right before I day, I would say, unquote. 10) I saw this guy hitch-hiking the other day. He was holding this sign that said, HEAVEN. So I hit him. I think he probably made it. He looked like a pretty nice guy. There, a top TEN.
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31 comments:
Rusty your.................BUSTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Will can't handle the truth
How are you posting now, Clif? Rusty, really? Wow, who'd a thunk it? As for Roosevelt, guys, Voltron thinks he was a bad president. You guys think he was God. I don't happen to agree with either of those extreme opinions, and was giving my own. I apologize for having an opinion. And, Mike, you're accusing me of having played charades for 12 months (4/07-4/08) just so I can be a "concern troll" on a cite that I never knew existed UNTIL 4/08. Mike, I'm an independent. That what I am. If you don't believe me, then that's your problem. And, no, you're not going to see me over at Lydia's anymore. I'm done. Ya'll can fight to the death as far as I'm concerned.
Will, hi! I meant to respond sooner. No, you're not one of the conservative bloggers to which I responded at MM's. There are some people who are far more conservative than me, but I greatly appreciate their comments. Many hone my ability to further consider my position on various subjects and force me to engage in more focused rhetoric.
Oh, jeez, Clif: But then again you have a history of putting opinions in other people... Like you conservatives didn't do the same for Ronald Ray-Gun. As far as life, no one gets out alive. That's just plain common sense.
And, speaking of comedians, I miss George Carlin. Lewis Black is a riot. Steven Wright is funny, Will. Although Carlin used profanity, he used it correctly. Comedy is as personal a trait as politics and religion (and music...)
Well, then you agree with me, Clif, that he WASN'T perfect. Of course, I never really heard you criticize him, either. And that's what I meant by a "god", Clif, not that I think you literally believe that he's one. LOL
You're hilarious, Clif, you believe NOTHING of what I say, none of my explanations satisfy you. But I'm supposed to accept every thing that you say as gospel. I tried yet again to be fair and decent with you guys over there....and yet again I get the shit handed to me. To be completely fair with you, it WASN'T you this time. It was Bartlebee. But you'll have to excuse me if I'd prefer not to deal with it. Later, man.
Until you come back in disguise, of course.
Hi Stella. Nice to hear from you again. As you can see, the trials and tribulations of being a moderate Republican/conservative Democrat continue for me. Good to see that there are still a few open minds maintaining themselves out there. See you at the other sites.
Bartleby? LOL! That's perfect.
Clif, you don't believe anything that I ever say. What makes you think that what I'm going to start accepting the stuff that you're now peddling? Better yet, to accept is as gospel? Sorry, Clif, but you haven't built up as much as an ounce of good will over here. Not even close, me-bucko.
Still avoiding the FACT,
somebody you seem to trust,
played you like a foole eh Will?
Wasn't hard either it seems,
you act like one so much.
Boy she sure had YOU pegged didn't she;
Utah Savage said...
Who are you talking about? Bloggers are not, for the most part, journalists. What politician are you talking about? To whose mistakes are you referring?
You seem to be bitching for the sake of bitching.
June 21, 2008 10:15 AM
You seem to be bitching for the sake of bitching.
Just about sums up this waste of bandwidth perfectly.
Will bitches for attention.
As usual, Clif, I have no idea what you're talking about. Bitching about what? I don't even know what that Utah Savage quote pertains to. Who played me like a fool? You said you WEREN'T accusing Rusty. Who ARE you accusing (of setting you up)? Conspiracy theory away.
As usual, Clif, I have no idea what you're talking about. .
We know will, your unintelligible word salads tip us off every time, that you haven't a clue at all.
I know what I'm talking about, Clif. What are YOU talking about. Who's the boogie man this time, bro; George Bush, the Dulles brothers, WHO?
Sorry will but your the one claiming Bart, 1138, me among others is wasting our lives spamming your waste of bandwidth,
Your the delusional paranoid freak,
hell check out your hyperlink;
paranoiacstoogetalk
Freudian slip per chance?
Cause it fits ya to a T son.
And you're claiming that it's somebody PRETENDING to be you to make you look bad. Talk abou stretching credulity.
I don't believe a word you say, Clif. The amount of trust you've earned can fit on the head of a pin, easily. You've shamelessly and moronically accused me of parading around as a moderate, when, in the deepest recesses of my mind, I'm a far-right zealot, who's sole goal has been to play a trick on you guys. You're the paranoid stooge who's totally incapable of functioning in mainsteam society. Get a job!
Clif, I'm doing fine. I have a respectable career and wonderful, mature friendships. And I don't have a computer growing out of my chest. Get your own house in order, buddy. That would be my advice to you.
You are a sick man that had to have "a job created for you" Will
A "job created" because I was perceived by corporate to have some unique talents relative to Alzheimer's patients and cognitive skills training.
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